return_to_nola

The truth was, he didn't much date.

And by much, that translated to almost never.

Sitting in a booth (he was exactly the type of nerd to go for the corner booth rather than the more popular bar), tapping painted-and-glittery nails against scarred wood, Eli wondered again what he was doing here. He should have made it clear that he was mostly interested in learning more about the collective and local engagement and not anything more carnal...but he'd also flirted with the man, hadn't he? It certainly felt like flirting. And he wasn't in theory opposed to seeing if tonight led to a kiss or five, even if the last time he'd made out had been...

Huh. Three years? Four?

Well, whatever unexpected interest had risen phoenix-like inside of him at their exchange, he was here now, ready to see what happened. Eli wasn't the type of man to run from the unknown.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

nola_enjolras

He took Gabriel's hand again, the squeeze of his fingers warm and reaffirming. It felt right, clasping hands. It felt like a lifetime, both for himself and toward Gabriel--like he was reaching across oceans for him. Eli listened, focused on Gabriel. He tilted his head slightly when Gabriel brushed off his own pain, but he didn't call him on it, or reach for platitudes. (Eli had never been very good at that, his emotional IQ floundering whenever sensitivity was required. He tried, and he cared, but this was something his brother excelled at, not him.)

What was him was the quiet, "I hear you," because he did--he was taking in everything Gabriel said and letting it paint a picture. "You love building things. I'd like to hear about your creations."

From:

nola_grantaire

Would it be strange to say that nothing felt more right than holding Eli's hand? Like, nothing in the history of Gabriel's life? He couldn't describe it. He couldn't even begin to rationalize it. But with their hands together like this, everything felt manageable. "My creations. Huh. Good term." Gabe smiled. "I build friendships and love affairs and coffee tables and shelves out of recycled goods. I can fix most things. But when are you going to tell me about you?"

From:

nola_enjolras

"I'm more interested in shelves out of recycled goods, but all right." He lightly rubbed his thumb against Gabe's palm, taking note of the variations of skin and texture. "I grew up in Jersey. I love my blood family, but I've always been a little much for most of them, with the exception of my little brother who is the nicest person you'll ever meet. I graduated early and went straight to New York. Got involved in the city, got involved in queer culture, got involved in performance art, went to college and law school, got in and out of some legal trouble--I...really am a little much sometimes...and finally got the offer with the ACLU that brought me down here. My brother keeps promising to teach me how to do the whole zen thing."

From:

nola_grantaire

"I've never been able to nail down zen either." That was why Gabriel drank. "Wait, tell me about how you're an artist. And never let go of my hand, okay?"

From:

nola_enjolras

"Deal," he said very seriously, lightly scraping his nail over a ridge of rougher skin, learning the creases that made up Gabe as if they were a road map. "It's more performance art. I'm usually not the creative force. I'm...good at being a presence, or an inspiration, but the actual act of creation has always escaped me. I keep coming back to it, though. It's like I want to connect through it, but I'm lacking something vital."

From:

nola_grantaire

When Eli's nail found rough skin, a series of goosebumps rose over the landscape of Gabe's arm. He closed his eyes, very briefly, to live inside the touch. "So you're a muse? You inspire people to make the thing you can't make?"

From:

nola_enjolras

"It sounds so passive, doesn't it? I'd rather be active. I want to make things, change things."

From:

nola_grantaire

"I don't think that's passive at all. The catalyst for change means as much as the maker of it." It was Gabe's turn to explore Eli's hand with his finger, stroking as if to soothe. "What do you want to make? What do you want to change? Maybe you've just been waiting for me and we can do it together."

From:

nola_enjolras

That--

Maybe you've just been waiting for me and we can do it together.

--that was like a lightning bolt. That was a revelation. He shivered. "May I kiss you?" he asked, needing consent before he edged closer.

From:

nola_grantaire

It was a little funny; Gabriel felt like he should be the one asking. "You can always kiss me," he said, which, sure, went against all of his politics, but he didn't care. He leaned over, close, and kissed Eli, and thought, in the breath before their lips touched, finally.

From:

nola_enjolras

His free hand lifted, hovering along the curve of Gabe's jaw--not quite touching. He drew in a soft breath at the first brush of their mouths, feeling like a puzzle box being unlocked one complicated layer at a time. There was something reverent about the kiss, and his own thoughts were echoing with: finally, finally, though he couldn't for the life of him understand why this mattered so much.

From:

nola_grantaire

Love, and anything like it -- and also sex, and anything like it -- had always mattered to Gabriel. It was essential to his identity and his relationship with himself. But this did matter so much, even more than men always mattered. But Gabriel didn't really care about the why, at least not now, not when he was caught in this kiss with this beautiful, admirable, pillar of a human, who Gabriel was certain he would follow anywhere. With this touch, the room, the floor, the world, fell away.

From:

nola_enjolras

His friends used to always joke that if he could be a brain in a jar, he would. Eli wasn't inexperienced, but sex and romantic love had never been particularly strong drivers for him. He was far more used to rebuffing advances that encouraging them--and even less used to reciprocating so intensely. But this, this was different. This felt raw and important: too much and not enough, his fingertips just barely grazing dark curls as the Musain burned around them.

From:

nola_grantaire

Gabriel only stopped kissing Eli because he had stopped breathing a few breaths ago, and it was important that they breathe. And also because he wanted to look at Eli, really look at him. Meet those eyes and stare into them. “I feel like you’re going to change my life. I think you feel it too.”

Gabe wanted it acknowledged; Gabe so badly wanted all of these impulses to be real.

From:

nola_enjolras

"I feel it," he had to admit, studying Gabe's face, his eyes. "I don't understand it, but I feel it."

From:

nola_grantaire

“What is there to understand?” Gabe wasn’t really one for logic or systems of understanding. “Maybe feeling is more important than understanding.” He said this playfully, because here he was talking to a lawyer, who probably was used to reason and thoughtfulness and connections that could be mapped.

From:

nola_enjolras

"I've always thought that emotion is important," he said slowly, thoughtfully--taking the question, taking Gabe, seriously, "but not entirely trustworthy. I can feel things independent of fact. I can feel afraid when there's nothing to fear. And that fear can fade just as quickly once I've assessed my situation and realized I can see a way forward. Emotion can cloud reason. But I've also never met such a strong argument for trusting emotion as you before."

From:

nola_grantaire

Gabe really wasn’t used to being taken seriously. He hadn’t expected Eli to take him this seriously either, and it made him ache in a particular way. He could only half explain it. “Do you feel fear now?” He asked, and wished so much, with such fervour, that he could wrap himself around Eli and protect him from fear.

From:

nola_enjolras

"Yes and no," Eli said slowly, considering. "It's more a generalized anxiety that I'm going to fuck up whatever this is." He gestured down to their hands. "And a sense of fight or flight that is unrelated to you, and this. It's that feeling you get right before you go into battle, but I'm not at war with anyone."

From:

nola_grantaire

"Important related question: what do you do to relax?" There was suddenly nothing Gabe wanted more than to see Eli let down his battle-readiness and just enjoy this lightning bolt that had struck them both. It seemed achievable. It seemed preferable.

From:

nola_enjolras

"I...move to New Orleans and ask my brother to show me how," he admitted. Which of course was code for: he didn't.

Ever.

From:

nola_grantaire

Gabe laughed. Not at Eli, never at Eli (well, never say never), but because it was such a sweet, hopeless answer. "Oh honey," he crooned, stroking Eli's cheek with his free hand, "You found me at the right time."