return_to_nola

Was Seth actually up for a good sixteen hours in bed with Caleb? He'd just had a seventeen hour shooting day that ended, oh, six hours before Caleb was set to arrive. Still, Seth seemed to have plenty of energy left for this hookup.

If you could call it a hookup. It was an intimate plan for such a casual one, the long stretch of time to unwind and make out and have sex and stay close together, naked in bed, like actual lovers. It was a far cry from NYC app hookups that lasted maybe 20 minutes, but then, maybe things were different out here.

But then maybe it was different because Caleb had seemed to look at Seth and know him, and their vibe had been strong, and their chemistry great, so: why not explore it?

So Seth slept for five hours and ten minutes, showered and threw on jeans and a tee, ate two bananas, brushed his teeth, and even answered two emails before he had to buzz Caleb in. Was that a flutter in his chest? Hard to say!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

nola_northstar

“Oh fuuuuck,” Seth breathed, because yes, he wanted this so much. “You’re making me lose it, Caleb.”

From:

nola_havok

"God, I can't wait to be inside you." He simultaneously felt like he could do this forever--one finger twisting inside Seth, and another--and like he couldn't wait another second longer, driving them both crazy.

From:

nola_northstar

“Do it now, please,” Seth asked as politely as he could while his brain was frying.

From:

nola_havok

Caleb shifted, kneeling up, before he finally pulled his fingers away from Seth to slick himself up impatiently. "Come here," he said, but he didn't wait for Seth to move so much as pull him up himself, manhandling him until Seth was kneeling in front of him and Caleb was pressed up close, his chest to Seth's back. "Tell me again, Jean-Paul. Tell me to fuck you," Caleb ordered, or maybe begged, mouth up against his ear, cock just against his entrance.

From:

nola_northstar

Wait. Wait. What? Seth whipped his head back to look at Caleb, moving up a little, disrupting their closeness. “Who the hell is Jean-Paul?” Motherfucker. Seth had almost fallen for Caleb’s whole sweet, crushy, oh-I’m-so-rusty act.

From:

nola_havok

Shit. Fuck. Damn. Caleb's hands clenched at his sides, fingernails digging into his palms, trying to get a hold of himself. Or punishing himself, maybe. God, he was such a stupid asshole. "Do you want the actual headfuck of an answer that's going to either bring back a whole lot of old memories or make you think I'm crazy, or do you want to just be mad at me and kick me the hell out?" he asked, a little breathless. Caleb might have fucked up, might be totally hating himself right now for ruining a perfect moment, but he still wasn't going to force awareness on Seth. If he even could.

From:

nola_northstar

"If you have a husband, or you're not as rusty as you claim to be, that isn't exactly a headfuck. But it is fucked up that you wouldn't tell me and then say someone else's name while we're fucking. Or even that you said someone's else name at all when I thought we were connecting. That's hurtful. So." Even now, Seth was a little reluctant as he resettled himself to sit on the bed and look at Caleb, no longer hard. "Who is Jean-Paul?"

From:

nola_havok

"No, it's not..." Caleb sighed as he sat down, rubbing a hand over his hair. "We are connecting. Or were." Because he had to acknowledge that he might have just fucked things up beyond repair. "I'm not married. I'm not seeing someone else or thinking about someone else. I really haven't been with anyone since I left my ex-girlfriend seven years ago." God, he hated that he'd already hurt Seth. Hated that he was about to hurt him more. "You're Jean-Paul. Or you were. Jean-Paul Beaubier. Northstar."

From:

nola_northstar

"My name is Seth, you asshole," Seth replied, because jesus, what kind of apology was this, what kind of game was this? "What are you trying to do here?"

From:

nola_havok

God, this was even worse than he imagined. It had been a long time since he'd felt like such an utter failure, but the feeling was, unfortunately, all too familiar. "I know is is. I..." He didn't know what else to say, what else he could say, if Seth wasn't going to remember. "You don't remember. That's okay. I wouldn't either, if it were up to me. I'm sorry. I'll go. I never wanted to hurt you."

From:

nola_northstar

"What do you mean, I don't remember? What am I supposed to remember? What the hell are you talking about?" Without knowing what Caleb was apologizing for -- or what he was even trying to do -- how was Seth supposed to know what to feel or what to do?

From:

nola_havok

Caleb couldn't actually bring himself to say something as ridiculous as 'You were an X-Man, once'. Instead, he let himself ramble, which probably wasn't much better. "You're not supposed to remember anything. Scott would disagree, he'd probably have marched right up to you and ordered you to remember like you were still on a team together. I was trying to leave it alone. If you didn't recognize me as Alex right away, no big deal. I'm Caleb now; you're Seth now. Who knows if Jean-Paul ever gave two fucks about Alex in particular anyway. Not like he did about Jeanne-Marie. Or Kyle. Or his students."

From:

nola_northstar

The first thing that cut through, that actually made some kind of sense, was a name Seth was certain he'd never heard before in his life: Jeanne-Marie. And then Kyle. That meant something, didn't it? Jeanne-Marie and Kyle and students. Alex and Scott and teams. No. No, it couldn't make sense. Still, that didn't stop him from asking -- uncertainty clear in his voice -- "Did you say Jeanne-Marie?"

From:

nola_havok

The uncertainty in Seth's voice felt like being stabbed with his own failure. It was working, telling Seth about his past life, but did he want it to? Would it be kinder to just let Seth think he was a manipulative and/or crazy asshole and get back to his regular life, or was it cruel to keep these memories from him? Caleb didn't know. None of them knew. "Jeanne-Marie Beaubier. Aurora. Jean-Paul's twin sister."

From:

nola_northstar

"My sister," Seth replied, dully. He couldn't process this -- any of this. But Jeanne-Marie was his twin sister, that was an inescapable fact.

From:

nola_havok

"Yeah. I haven't met her here, no one has, but that doesn't mean she's not here. Scott's here. Jean. Hank. Wanda and Pietro. It's a whole completely insane reunion."

From:

nola_northstar

"Jeanne-Marie," Seth murmured, then, "Kyle." Then, slowly, looking at Caleb, "Alex." This felt like being brainwashed. But he wasn't feeling the rage and violence, there wasn't any desire to hurt coursing through his brains. Still. He had to ask. "Did I hurt anyone?"

From:

nola_havok

"No, it's...it's not like that here. No one's going to hurt you." Not physically, anyway. Caleb had done a number on him without having to. "And you're not going to hurt anyone." Except maybe Caleb, who deserved it.

From:

nola_northstar

"You should have walked away for good this time. You almost had it." Seth was talking to himself. "Get married, get the company going, finally have a life of your own. But no, just like every single other time you quit, someone says they need you and you jump back right into a costume and end up traumatized or brainwashed or dead or possibly, in this case, all three, don't you? You're insane." Seth lay down on his back, hopeless. After a beat, he reached half-heartedly to cover himself with a corner of his blanket. He remembered a lot more now.

From:

nola_havok

Caleb really, really wished he couldn't relate to everything Seth was saying. And that it didn't feel like a door was slamming shut in his face. That was just like them. wasn't it? Finally get up the nerve to chase something good and have it all come crashing down again.

"I'll be right back, okay?" He didn't even know if Seth was listening to him right now. Caleb went to Seth's bathroom and cleaned himself up a little, conspicuously avoiding looking in the mirror. When he came back out, he pulled his jeans on before sitting on the edge of the bed. "You're not a mutant anymore," he started, trying to be gentle. "None of us are. We're just...normal people who remember being mutants. Well, some of us remember different worlds altogether, but. One step at a time. You are Seth Norris."

From:

nola_northstar

Slowly, Seth sat up again, still mostly in his thoughts, exploring the life that had just unlocked inside his brain. "I am, but I'm also Jean-Paul. That's very clear." A beat, and, "Sorry I called you an asshole."

From:

nola_havok

"No, you were right." Not about the reason, maybe, but the fact remained. "I knew this could happen but I risked it anyway. That's an asshole move."

From:

nola_northstar

"I never knew you cared, Havok." It was a deflection, because now Seth felt like he'd been cheating on his husband for his entire life.

From:

nola_havok

"Please don't call me that." Call him an asshole, sure, but not that. It was hard enough being Alex most days, but at least Alex felt like a person. Havok felt like a costume, or like a series of goals he'd never reached, or...he didn't know. But it wasn't someone Caleb wanted to be, especially not now.