return_to_nola

Diego had to stop putting it off. He had a bunch of Hanne's mail that he needed to give her. And he knew he should do it now, because she was seeing someone else and was in love, and so what was the point of holding onto her mail or asking her to drop by? He had to shift his thinking, again, into a new era of Hanne and Diego. An era in which there wasn't a Hanne and Diego.

So it was late morning when Diego went by Hanne's new apartment with the mail in one hand, following a different resident into the building. He knocked on the door, steeling himself for seeing Hanne again for the first time, knowing now that she had moved on.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

nola_yvaine

Music was playing, and Hanne was laughing. She was making pancakes, or she was trying to make pancakes but Max kept pulling her away to dance or she stopped to flick some flour at him or they just had to take a moment to kiss. It meant that their late breakfast was quickly turning into a late brunch, and when she heard the knock on the door she just assumed that their music was too loud and her neighbor--a nice guy she'd talked to in the hall a couple of times--had worked a late shift and was trying to sleep in.

She immediately turned the music down, leaving a little proto-batter on the knob, and went back to stirring in the hopes they'd have something usable before it turned into a late lunch. "Max, can you get that? Tell him I'm sorry!"

From:

nola_joshlyman

“You keep stirring,” Max said agreeably, pressing a kiss to Hanne’s cheek, in her hair, and on her nose, before finally heading to the door. “Sorry, I’m coming!”

He opened the door, laughingly, grinning — shirtless and disheveled, with flour on his cheek. “Hi! You must be Hanne’s neighbour. I’m Max. Was the music too loud? We’re really sorry, we’ve turned it down. It’s just that making pancakes is really a dancing matter.”

Diego’s face, meanwhile, got stonier and stonier. “I’m not her neighbor, I’m her ex,” he said curtly, and passed Max the stack of mail. “I was just bringing Hanne her mail. Tell her to update her addresses, it shouldn’t all be coming to my place.”

Oh. Max blinked, took the mail, called, cautiously, “Hanne?"

From:

nola_yvaine

"These pancakes are never going to happen at this rate!" she complained as she set the bowl and whisk down on the counter, hungry but also too happy to care. Then she rounded the corner and saw Max and Diego. Her heart dropped into her stomach.

"Diego! What are you doing here?" It wasn't at all accusatory, if anything it was apologetic. It wasn't like she could be bothered by him knocking on her door when she'd literally waltzed into his apartment in the middle of the night and he'd been incredibly gracious about it. The bruise from that night had completely faded now, and now there was just a mostly-healed scratch on her leg that had a glitter band-aid across it, more as a token of her love for Max than because it needed a bandage.

"I--" Hanne looked from Diego to Max and back again, not knowing what to say or how to make this less horrible.

From:

nola_joshlyman

Hanne looked so beautiful and so happy. Until she saw Diego’s face. She was happier without him, sad with him. Of course. He swallowed hard, looked briefly away. “I brought your mail. Update your address.”

It was blunt, but his heart was cracking apart, so he didn’t have a lot to spare.

From:

nola_yvaine

The way he said it hurt, even if she understood. Even if she probably would have reacted the same way if the situation had been reversed. "Thank you. I thought I'd gotten it all but--" She stopped herself in the middle of the excuse. It didn't matter what had happened, it had led to Diego hurting, and she hated that. "I will," she promised, taking the mail from Max.

"I'm sorry." Her voice softened when she said it, and it was clear that she was hurting because Diego was, because she never wanted to cause him pain.

From:

nola_joshlyman

“You’re just a happy family, huh.” Diego didn’t mean to say it, but it was either say it or cry, and there was a glassy curtain of tears over his eyes that he was just managing to control. He remembered lazy mornings with Hanne, brunches at home with Hanne. He couldn’t believe the familiarity, the coziness here. Hanne and someone she had just met.

“I’m going to check on the pancakes,” Max said quietly, and added, to Hanne, “Come give me a hand?” He wanted to give her an out for a terrible moment.

From:

nola_yvaine

"It's not like that." Except it was exactly like that. Hanne wanted so much to explain what had happened, that she was Yvaine and Max was Tristan and she hadn't made a new family out of the blue, she'd just found one she'd forgotten for a while.

Hanne touched Max's arm and nodded. "Yeah, one sec." She was clutching the mail to her chest at this point, like it could form some kind of shield to make this all hurt less. It was so hard, not being able to make things better for Diego. "I didn't want... You shouldn't have had to deal with this. I'm sorry, Diego. You know I want you to be happy."

From:

nola_joshlyman

“It’s exactly like that,” Diego replied, because he wasn’t stupid. It was right there in front of him. How was this the same woman who gone to their old shared home together and curled up with him all night, holding hands, still in love even if it was all over? This was different. It was like the adjustment period was over for her, like the love was done, like Diego was irrelevant.

He felt small, and humiliated, and very alone. “Because if I was happy, you wouldn’t have to feel guilty. Look, whatever. We’re broken up. You’re entitled to move on. I shouldn’t be here. I should’ve called ahead. I won’t come back.”

From:

nola_yvaine

That was the thing: she wasn't the same woman, not entirely. But she couldn't tell him that, could she? "That's not..." She had to stop for a second before her voice caught completely or the sting in her eyes turned to actual tears. "Of course I want to feel less guilty. But you were also the most important person in my life for ten years, and you will always be one of my favorite people in the world, and I want more for you. I want you to be happy, I want you to move forward. I wanted that when I left. That was why I left." As if she ever could have left if she hadn't thought it was the best thing for both of them. "I know I found it too soon. I didn't mean to. If it was up to me, you would have found it first. But I don't control the universe, I only control me."

From:

nola_joshlyman

“From where I’m standing, you’re moving forward and I’m sliding back. You have more and that’s great. I’m honestly happy that you’re happy with your life. That matters. But right now I’ve never felt so small.” It was painful.

“I’ve gotta go. See you around, Hanne."

From:

nola_yvaine

Hanne wanted to hug him. She wanted to apologize again. She wanted a lot of things, but none of it would help. So she just nodded, resting one hand on the door. "Be well, Diego."

From:

nola_joshlyman

Diego held up a hand, painted. “Don’t — just let me go.”

And so he turned and walked way, putting his empty, restless hands into his pockets, leaving the building and re-entering the world. The world that kept moving, even though he was stuck in the same place.

From:

nola_yvaine

Hanne closed the apartment door, then turned and leaned back against it. She closed her eyes, and took a few deep breaths before she realized she was still holding the mail he'd brought. God, what a stupid little thing to cause so much pain. She tossed it aside, most of it ending up in a nearby corner. Just. Breathe.

From:

nola_tristan

Max came over to the door, gently touching Hanne's arm. "Hey."

From:

nola_yvaine

Hanne took another breath, opened her eyes. "I'm sorry."

From:

nola_tristan

Max shook his head, moving to embrace her. “It’s not your fault."

From:

nola_yvaine

"But it had to be hard to see." She wrapped her arms around him, dropped a kiss on his shoulder. "That's not how I wanted that to happen, you and him meeting." Not that they'd really met, just crashed momentarily into each other's lives.

From:

nola_tristan

“It was really hard to watch,” Max agreed, but for a few reasons. “That really upset you. He didn’t make a good first impression with me, I have to say."

From:

nola_yvaine

Diego was the kind of person who grew on you, Hanne thought but didn't say; she wasn't going to justify her ex-love to her current one. Things were messy enough as it was. "That's the worst it's been since we broke up."