Sam

[nola_quicksilver]

Oliver had a headache. Wasn't that cute? He and Sam were sharing afflictions now!

After brushing his teeth—because he probably smelled like a lot of wine right now—he took the bottle of Advil out of the medicine cabinet, shaking a couple into his palm. As he swallowed them down with faucet water (he wasn't fancy), he mentally went over the current situation.

1. He was Quicksilver, a superhero.

2. In this universe, he was a fictional character.

3. He also had a twin sister, a version of whom also lived in New Orleans.

4. This Wanda wasn't his Wanda and the differences were sort of killing him, even as the similarities were comforting him in a way he could barely understand.

5. There was a Jean Grey in town too, which he'd just found out over coffee shop e-journal (what), and she was also from another universe.

6. Through it all, he was still Oliver Lindqvist. Who was going to go into his boyfriend's room now, finally, and make sure he was alive, if he was even there at all. God, how was he going to explain this to Sam?

Oliver took a deep, steadying breath before he crossed the apartment and quietly opened Sam's bedroom door. At first sight of Sam, he could feel himself warm with affection, but then immediately went tense. Because for the first time in all the months they'd known each other, Oliver recognized him.

"Are you freaking kidding me," he muttered.

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[nola_cyclops]

There were in crisis. There wasn’t time to deal with this. Sam couldn’t deal with this. Sure, he was Sam, and Sam was deeply in love, but they were also... very different men in their other lives. It hurt. Very much.

Still. “Nothing,” he agreed after a moment, like he was afraid this was a trick.

[nola_quicksilver]

Oliver wanted to cry. Pietro, through, never would, so he settled for smiling faintly and plucking at the front of Sam's shirt, like he often did when he was hauling him close for a kiss.

"There's a Jean," he said.

[nola_cyclops]

And Sam was going to kiss Oliver, was in the moment and leaning forward, until Oliver spoke and Sam stopped in his tracks. “What?”

[nola_quicksilver]

Oliver couldn't let himself touch Sam's skin, but he also couldn't stop touching him—he smoothed the front of Sam's shirt, then straightened his collar. Habits. "There's a Jean. She's not from our universe. I'm meeting her for coffee in the morning."

[nola_cyclops]

An entire universe of emotions behind Sam’s eyes. The fact that he and Jean had been over for quite a while. The fact that they were always connected. The feeling that Jean was the love of Scott’s of life, or the fear that she was. The relief and fear and loss of her not being from their universe. That he has dreamed about Jean before he knew who he was. That Oliver hadn’t told Sam Jean was here; that Sam understood why. He swallowed, hard.

[nola_quicksilver]

Oliver wasn't looking at Sam's face right then. He couldn't, because he was very busy trying not to feel anything at all, and looking at Sam would have ruined that. He couldn't look at Sam and not feel. "You can go instead of me, obviously."

[nola_cyclops]

Jean was Scott's best friend. Oliver was Sam's. "I'll go with you," he suggested, but it wasn't a suggestion. Okay. Quicksilver, Scarlet Witch, Havok, Jean, and Cyclops. Okay.

God, it was all so hard. Scott was alive again but he was filled with so much pain; Scott-and-Jean was a concept so complicated and broken it was intimidating, let alone the rest of his life and identity and purpose.Sam would get through it, because Scott always did, because Sam always did, but it all hurt.

And right there, right here, was Oliver.

"I--" he started, but stopped again.

[nola_quicksilver]

Oliver was still touching Sam, hands to shoulders now, and his eyes were firmly locked at about the collarbone region. "Just get it over with," he said quietly.

[nola_cyclops]

Sam couldn't get it over with. He knew the words. 'Focus on the mission.' 'Get back home.' 'Be the hero.'

Instead, and sort of hating himself for it, he dropped his head, pressed his forehead against Oliver's, closed his eyes.

[nola_quicksilver]

Oliver sucked in a startled breath, and then his hands were clutching Sam harder. He nuzzled in a little too, and it was all agony, prolonging this, but his heart and body both ached to be close to Sam. That had become his default state.

"When I remembered, before I knew you were Scott," he said roughly, into the silence between them, "my first thought was how I was going to take you with me."

[nola_cyclops]

"Tell me about that," Sam sort-of-asked, quietly. He wanted to know; he didn't want to move, except to put his own hands on Oliver's shoulders, balancing them both there, in space, together.

[nola_quicksilver]

"What is there to tell? Losing you just wasn't an option, and you'd get to come be a superhero." Oliver chuckled, but it wasn't a happy sound. "I'm such an idiot."

[nola_cyclops]

"You're not an idiot. I make a great superhero," Sam replied, but it was bitter, because everyone fucking hated his attempts to fix things. He was a villain in a lot of people's eyes. Since Charles -- but also, always. If Scott hadn't known that Oliver was Quicksilver, would he have brought him back? It was hard to say. His life was so small right now, smaller than it had ever been.

[nola_quicksilver]

Oliver huffed a laugh and instinctively rubbed his hands down Sam's chest, like a reward for the joke. Fuck, this was why touching was dangerous. "No, I mean I'm an idiot for believing I could be so happy. That I could keep this."

[nola_cyclops]

"I've said that to myself hundreds of times. Both selves." And Sam pulled Oliver close, perhaps ill-advisedly, hugging him tight.

[nola_quicksilver]

At first it was just letting himself be hugged, still struggling to hold back his emotions for safe keeping. But that couldn't last, not like this. Not when he could bury his face against Sam's shoulder and breathe deep of his scent, cling to him just as tightly and know he was strong enough to take it. His quiet, strange, passionate, beautiful Sam.

[nola_cyclops]

"I can't believe I'm in love with Quicksilver," Sam murmured, not letting go, not willing to leave this moment. Not yet.

Scott wouldn't ever talk about his feelings. But Sam had been learning.

[nola_quicksilver]

Oliver tremored in Sam's arms. "You still love me?" he asked, despising the hopeful surprise in his voice. That part of him, the one that judged and criticized himself, was all Pietro.

[nola_cyclops]

The part that hated to admit it, that wanted to squash it in order to work like you couldn't have both, that was Scott -- and the worst impulses of Sam. "I gained memories and feelings," Sam said quietly. "I didn't lose any."

[nola_quicksilver]

Oliver drew in a deep, shaky breath and kissed Sam's shoulder. As he was drawing back, he pressed another kiss to Sam's neck, and then once they were looking at each other face to face again, his mouth. "I love you," Oliver said. "I want to get to love you at least as long as it takes to figure this mess out."

[nola_cyclops]

It was overwhelming, and it was unfair. This thing between them was real and astonishing and they had not had enough time together before it was potentially blown up by this parallel life awareness, or whatever it was. Scott and Sam were the same, but here they were at odds, and he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how this relationship could possibly survive them making it back to fight another day. And from this distance, he was so tired of fighting; he just wanted to be here, kissed by someone he loved. Maybe it was okay to keep doing this for now. Maybe their Scott and Pietro selves could handle it. Slowly, Sam nodded. “I’m sorry,” he said, and he couldn’t exactly pinpoint what he was apologising for, except for everything.

[nola_quicksilver]

Instantly Oliver pulled his hands back, because why else would Sam be sorry but for ending it? For the awkwardness of having to work together while ignoring what they'd been to each other.

He looked away again, over at Sam's desk. He'd left a scrap of paper with a doodle of Sam's initials on the closed laptop this morning, before heading to work. Of course, they were Scott's initials too. "Don't be sorry," he murmured.

[nola_cyclops]

Sam missed Oliver’s hands when they were gone, because now everything was fragile; who knew if another touch from him would ever come? Quicksilver had no time for Cyclops, after all. The more they remembered, the less this might matter. Sam gently placed a hand on Oliver’s knee because he didn’t know what else to say.

[nola_quicksilver]

Oliver closed his eyes, just feeling that hand on his knee, the gentlest comfort. He wanted so much right now. He wanted to go back to before he'd remembered and before Sam's migraine, when they were so happy and everything seemed possible. He wanted the Wanda he'd found today to be his Wanda, because she'd understand what he was going through at a glance, with no explanations necessary. He wanted his powers, so he could just run away from this situation and never stop.

He put his hand on Sam's and finally said, with more energy than he felt, "I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry for loving you, even if it ends." There was a defensiveness his tone, or maybe it was defiance.

[nola_cyclops]

Would Quicksilver ever say something like that to Scott? Of course he wouldn’t. But still, Sam believed it. The disparity was enough to make his head spin. “I don’t regret it either,” was all he said, but he did mean it.