Caleb

[nola_northstar]

Was Seth actually up for a good sixteen hours in bed with Caleb? He'd just had a seventeen hour shooting day that ended, oh, six hours before Caleb was set to arrive. Still, Seth seemed to have plenty of energy left for this hookup.

If you could call it a hookup. It was an intimate plan for such a casual one, the long stretch of time to unwind and make out and have sex and stay close together, naked in bed, like actual lovers. It was a far cry from NYC app hookups that lasted maybe 20 minutes, but then, maybe things were different out here.

But then maybe it was different because Caleb had seemed to look at Seth and know him, and their vibe had been strong, and their chemistry great, so: why not explore it?

So Seth slept for five hours and ten minutes, showered and threw on jeans and a tee, ate two bananas, brushed his teeth, and even answered two emails before he had to buzz Caleb in. Was that a flutter in his chest? Hard to say!

Comments

[nola_northstar]

"My sister," Seth replied, dully. He couldn't process this -- any of this. But Jeanne-Marie was his twin sister, that was an inescapable fact.

[nola_havok]

"Yeah. I haven't met her here, no one has, but that doesn't mean she's not here. Scott's here. Jean. Hank. Wanda and Pietro. It's a whole completely insane reunion."

[nola_northstar]

"Jeanne-Marie," Seth murmured, then, "Kyle." Then, slowly, looking at Caleb, "Alex." This felt like being brainwashed. But he wasn't feeling the rage and violence, there wasn't any desire to hurt coursing through his brains. Still. He had to ask. "Did I hurt anyone?"

[nola_havok]

"No, it's...it's not like that here. No one's going to hurt you." Not physically, anyway. Caleb had done a number on him without having to. "And you're not going to hurt anyone." Except maybe Caleb, who deserved it.

[nola_northstar]

"You should have walked away for good this time. You almost had it." Seth was talking to himself. "Get married, get the company going, finally have a life of your own. But no, just like every single other time you quit, someone says they need you and you jump back right into a costume and end up traumatized or brainwashed or dead or possibly, in this case, all three, don't you? You're insane." Seth lay down on his back, hopeless. After a beat, he reached half-heartedly to cover himself with a corner of his blanket. He remembered a lot more now.

[nola_havok]

Caleb really, really wished he couldn't relate to everything Seth was saying. And that it didn't feel like a door was slamming shut in his face. That was just like them. wasn't it? Finally get up the nerve to chase something good and have it all come crashing down again.

"I'll be right back, okay?" He didn't even know if Seth was listening to him right now. Caleb went to Seth's bathroom and cleaned himself up a little, conspicuously avoiding looking in the mirror. When he came back out, he pulled his jeans on before sitting on the edge of the bed. "You're not a mutant anymore," he started, trying to be gentle. "None of us are. We're just...normal people who remember being mutants. Well, some of us remember different worlds altogether, but. One step at a time. You are Seth Norris."

[nola_northstar]

Slowly, Seth sat up again, still mostly in his thoughts, exploring the life that had just unlocked inside his brain. "I am, but I'm also Jean-Paul. That's very clear." A beat, and, "Sorry I called you an asshole."

[nola_havok]

"No, you were right." Not about the reason, maybe, but the fact remained. "I knew this could happen but I risked it anyway. That's an asshole move."

[nola_northstar]

"I never knew you cared, Havok." It was a deflection, because now Seth felt like he'd been cheating on his husband for his entire life.

[nola_havok]

"Please don't call me that." Call him an asshole, sure, but not that. It was hard enough being Alex most days, but at least Alex felt like a person. Havok felt like a costume, or like a series of goals he'd never reached, or...he didn't know. But it wasn't someone Caleb wanted to be, especially not now.

[nola_northstar]

Seth nodded, noting it. That was fair. "How did you find out?"

[nola_havok]

"I ran into Scott on the street. Didn't really remember, but something pinged. Then he convinces me to meet him, he has something important to tell me, and he yelled at me until I remembered," he recounted, a little wry. "I explicitly forbid him from doing the same to you. Lot of good that did."

[nola_northstar]

"You two have always had such a beautiful relationship," Seth replied, because yes, that sounded just like his time at Xavier's with both brothers in residence.

[nola_havok]

"We haven't tried to kill each other yet. Mostly." There'd definitely been a time there when he'd considered it. "Still pretty annoyed my kid shares his name though, to be honest."

[nola_northstar]

"All Summers relatives are named Scott or Nathan," Seth pointed out. "You didn't have many options."

[nola_havok]

"I didn't even name her, she came that way." Which wasn't something he'd explained to Seth yet, and now really didn't want to. Opening up felt like the last thing he wanted to do right now. Or maybe ever. "Anyway, Scott's on the journals if you need him for something. Everyone we've met so far is, and as of now everyone remembers. Pietro's from the same world we are. Hank too, I think. Jean and Wanda aren't, but they've been sticking pretty close anyway. Cap and Winter Soldier are here too, though that's all I know about them. And now you're caught up." It was all perfunctory, more rote than if he was listing off emergency phone numbers for one of Scottie's babysitters, Caleb completely shut down.

[nola_northstar]

"I think I'm shock," Seth said mildly. He remembered the feeling from before. And wasn't that just fucked up.

[nola_havok]

"It passes. Or you get used to it. I'm not sure which." He didn't know how to help. He didn't even know if he wanted to. He'd opened himself up to this great new possibility and had it snatched away from him again all in the space of a morning, so he wasn't sure he had anything left.

[nola_northstar]

Maybe, considering the way Seth had ended their tryst, it was fair that Caleb was bow acting like he couldn’t bear to be near Seth. But that was another loss, and there didn’t even seem to be any allyship here in their shared memories, or misery, or whatever. It was profoundly uncomfortable — and profoundly sad. “Look at you right now. It clearly doesn’t pass.”

[nola_havok]

"You're right, it doesn't. It just recedes a little bit until it decides to come back full strength to punch you in the face. I should go." Caleb reached for his shoes and socks where they'd ended up half under the bed and tried to think of places he could spend the rest of the day so he wouldn't have to try to explain to Katie or Scottie why he was home so much earlier than expected.

[nola_northstar]

Seth looked up at him, pained. He didn’t want Caleb to leave, but he really wasn’t in the mood for their original plans. “Sorry,” he said quietly. “Maybe you should.”

[nola_havok]

Caleb couldn't look at Seth because it literally hurt. So he got dressed as quickly as possible, made sure he has his phone and keys. He always seemed to be making a quick exit from this place. "Don't apologize. You're not the one who fucked up here. I'm the one who's sorry." For ruining your life. For being stupid enough to think life could be good for once. For not staying away. "Jean's a good person to talk to, if you need it. Has her head on pretty straight. She's babysitting Scottie today but, you know, she's around."

[nola_northstar]

“You didn’t do anything wrong. You just said my name.” Seth sighed, on the verge of tears. “Maybe we can talk later,” he suggested carefully.

[nola_havok]

"I said the wrong one of your names while we were fucking because I was so..." God, he really didn't want to fall apart about this. "And now we're not. So. Yeah, I did." And he hated that he was making this about himself when Seth was the one having to deal with all these new memories but he just didn't know how not to.

[nola_northstar]

Seth reached out and grasped Caleb’s hand. “Stop blaming yourself for being in the moment. I was too.”