nola_havok (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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return_to_nola2019-05-05 12:13 am
nola_havok) wrote in return_to_nola2019-05-05 12:13 am
Entry tags:
Text to Katie
1. Do you happen to be free next Saturday? Like all day next Saturday? Because I have a very tempting offer from Seth but I've heard that you're not supposed to leave your almost-eight-year-old alone in the house for 12 hours with no supervision.
2. It occurs to me that I have no idea where your parents are or what your relationship with them is like, so I don't know if you have plans on Mother's Day, but you're welcome to chill with us.
3. Would you be up for doing a mural in Scottie's room? I would pay you, obviously. I was thinking of painting her room for her birthday and honestly a mural would be way cooler. She has a lot of great ideas in that head of hers, and I know you could pull them off way better than I ever could.
4. Feel free to tell me to stop trying to monopolize your life like any time here. I know you have way more interesting people to spend all your weekends on. Except the last weekend in May is Scottie's birthday party so you have to let me monopolize you then. Sorry, orders from the munchkin.
2. It occurs to me that I have no idea where your parents are or what your relationship with them is like, so I don't know if you have plans on Mother's Day, but you're welcome to chill with us.
3. Would you be up for doing a mural in Scottie's room? I would pay you, obviously. I was thinking of painting her room for her birthday and honestly a mural would be way cooler. She has a lot of great ideas in that head of hers, and I know you could pull them off way better than I ever could.
4. Feel free to tell me to stop trying to monopolize your life like any time here. I know you have way more interesting people to spend all your weekends on. Except the last weekend in May is Scottie's birthday party so you have to let me monopolize you then. Sorry, orders from the munchkin.
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As you should! But I'm also not kidding about abandoning you both if I have to!
Uh, Kates? You didn't happen to tell Sam about you and Dani, did you? Because I just invited Sam and I said that you'd be there, and maybe Dani, for the sake of full disclosure, and he said that me and you and her were an "interesting" group and that is such a worrying statement from him. As in I'm currently picturing him assuming that I'm stealing his ex-wife and his boyfriend's sister and wondering if he can try to blast me through his phone with his powers.
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Haha yeah, I totally told SAM, who thinks I’m the love of his life, about Dani. (I did not tell him).
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Hoo boy. I'm having so many possibly conflicting feelings right now. It does not help that I can almost literally hear a woman in my head disagreeing very loudly about anyone characterizing Jean as the love of Scott's life.
He says he can't come because he's meeting Oliver's mom that day, but you really might want to tell him before he sees you and Dani together in person, to give him time to process. And, you know, not have him find out in front of Scottie, especially the first time he meets her. Or I can tell him. Or something. But I can feel his jaw clenching from here.
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Who is this woman? Madelyne Prior? Tell me!
I’m still kind of avoiding him because of madness like what just happened when you said that thing. so…. I mean, you can tell him.
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Emma Frost. Also a telepath. I'm not entirely convinced she didn't bury a tiny piece of herself in all our brains to be offended at things when she can't be there to be offended in person.
I'm not trying to force you to spend time with him, you know. You really don't have to. But if you're going to, he should know.
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Okay, you have to tell me about this Emma Frost now. And Scott and Emma Frost. Because I had a very different picture of Scott’s feelings, but if he was married to someone else and there’s someone who is actually the love of his life who isn’t me… I mean, it just means things might be different between us now.
And I know! I really don’t mind spending time with him in groups. I just… don’t want to talk to him about our feelings if I can help it. Not yet.
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I don't know if Scott has a love of his life. (I don't know if anyone does, in any sort of objective way.) I mean, if it was any of his three major relationships thus far, that sucks for him, because they're over. Do I think he fully intended for Jean to be the love of his life? Yes. Do I think he felt she was for a long time? Yes. Did he literally abandon his first wife to be with her? Yes. Do I think she's still a hugely important part of his life and someone he'll always have big, important feelings for? Yes. But he's loved someone since then (Emma), and he seems to be in love with someone now as Sam, so if Jean was The One, then everything is pretty fucked.
No, I get it. That's fine. It's not like talking to him about feelings is ever easy. Or, frankly, that talking about real feelings at all is ever easy.
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God, this stuff makes me feel insane.
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I know. That's why I only tell you what you ask about. But for the record: I don't believe in fate, or in inevitability, because everything is too horrible if they're real. All we have is our own choices, which is its own kind of awful, but at least one we have some control over. Be with who you want to be with. Not who you're meant to be with or should be with or used to be with. Just...whoever you want to be with and who wants to be with you. It's the only shot any of us have got.
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Jean wanted Scott. I want to be with Dani. I can’t really do anything with everything else. And if I can get this straight, then maybe I can help other people stuck between worlds and expectations get it too. My brain is still pretty quick and empathic, even though I don’t have powers. So I’ll get there. And thanks for helping me get there. You help so much, even when you have to tell me things that throw me off my axis.
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As crazy as you sometimes feel, you really are handling this all incredibly well. I don't know what I would do if another version of Lorna showed up. Or if Sam wasn't the Scott I know. So I'm confident you'll get there, to the place where this all feels manageable.
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You’d probably do what I’m doing! Find someone you can talk to and hold on tightly to them. I like that at least you have your Scott. I mean, I get that it’s a complicated relationship, but at least you understand each other and share memories. And I still think there are more people out there from our old lives than we know yet. So we have to take care of each other through it all.
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I’m jealous and sad and want to run away from it. Which is so unlike me. Well, the last part is unlike me, I have a slight temper. But I feel really overwhelmed by it. And Sam wasn’t worried about me knowing he was seeing someone, so should I care that much about protecting him, just because he’s more emotionally delicate? I don’t know.
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It's okay to run away from things. Some things you can't run away from forever, but in the immediate sense, you should absolutely run from the things that are hurting you until you have the tools or the help to deal with them in a way that won't hurt you. And please, for everyone's sake, do not make decisions on what to do based on what Sam or Scott has done or would do or is doing. That's just...a bad idea.
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I know he needs to know.